Wardrobe for a Wizard
by Grayswandir
Summary: Newly graduated, Harry is forced into joining the aristocratic society by the Patil twins. With a new look, eyes stray towards the boy wonder. LMHP
1. Venturing Out is a Nightmare

Wardrobe for a Wizard

By Grayswandir

Summary: Newly graduated, Harry is forced into joining the aristocratic society by the Patil twins. With a new look, eyes stray towards the boy wonder. LM/HP

Canon only books one through four. (But not because of Sirius and Albus, if you were wondering)

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"Come on, Harry! You've graduated and you still wear these ratty hand-me-downs! You must improve your image! We shall have no respect for you if all you ever wear doesn't fit!"

Harry continued to struggle as the Patil twins dragged him into the wizarding retail park, just outside of London. "I don't need any clothes! I have my school robes. Those'll do just fine until I figure out what I want to do with my life!" Harry protested.

Releasing him, Parvati crossed her arms. Huffing, she retorted. "You won't be able to do what you want if you never dress the part, sweetness."

"Besides," Padma added, "No one will look twice at rags, but will always double-take at elegance."

Growling lowly, Harry pouted. "Fine! You've made your point. Now what did you have in mind?"

A sinking feeling rose in Harry as he watched the twins' expressions morph into wicked grins. 'This doesn't bode well for me.'

Quickly exchanging looks, Padma began. "First things first. No self-respecting wizard would continue to wear glasses on a daily basis."

Parvati continued. "Spectacles, of any form, are for ornamentation, not necessity."

"And where does one find a qualified wizard with the ability to fix my miserable eyesight?" Harry asked, hoping it would require a special trip somewhere else and him being taken into another room.

As if reading his thoughts, the girls smirked. "You're in the wizard world now, Harry. That procedure is done by a charmed booth." Padma answered.

"And luckily for you, every department store has one within their walls so fat chance, if you think you can escape from this shopping trip." Parvati quickly added.

Whimpering, Harry was lead to a garish looking telephone booth with the most unusual looking signs. "Eyes, Ears, Nose, and Throat" it exclaimed with six inch letters, neon pink in color. Various bulleted statements were scattered about beneath the title.

"_Had something tasty but left your breath rank? Try the new _Ultra-Mint©_ treatment, guaranteed not to turn a girl away!"_

"_Date with the in-laws? Try our _Doctored Ear©_ selective hearing option!"_

"_Get into a fight and don't want your girl to know? The _Quick Fix Nosejob©_ is just the ticket!"_

"_Eyes not what you want? We fix all impurities from color to style to sight quality with our patented _Be Seen©_ process!"_

Harry paled as his eyes ran through the statements. 'Sounds like a quick lube job or a fancy car wash.' Harry continued his journey down the door, eyes alighting upon several small plates with "Ear" "Eye" "Nose" and "Throat" written on them in every combination and by themselves. Before he could ask the question, Padma pressed down on the one proclaiming "Eye". The door suddenly drew upward and sideways as if it was a curtain being drawn.

Harry squawked as Parvati pulled the glasses directly off his face. "You won't need these anymore!"

"Couldn't I just go to an optometrist, get some contacts?" Harry panicked at seeing the small space he would be standing in.

"An opt-what?" They chimed together.

"You know," Harry rasped, backing away from the pushy pair. "A muggle eye doctor."

"Harry, Harry, Harry." Padma laughed. "Contacts are just as taboo as glasses. And eye surgery can be very damaging, not only to your eyes but also to the continuity of your magic."

Harry sighed. "I'm not going to be able to talk you two out of this, am I?" The pair grinned, shaking their heads. "Can you at least tell me what this monstrous device does when I step inside?"

"None." The duo replied as they shoved the reluctant Harry inside.

Instantly after entry, the door shut, locking the now frightened Harry inside. Panting heavily, he nearly screamed as blurry appendages reached out from the dim booth walls to wrap securely around his head. Clenching his eyes shut, Harry could not help but laugh hysterically to himself as 'There's no place like home' repeatedly ran through his head.

A cool, mechanical, feminine voice reverberated through the booth. _"What is it you wish to have performed to your eyes, witch/wizard? If you are not certain of the options, reply with 'list'."_ Still stricken with fear, Harry could not reply. Several seconds passed before the voice continued. _"If you do not begin stating your specifications within five seconds, correction will be all that shall be performed. _

"_5. ._

"_4. . _

"_3. ._

"_2. . _

"_1._

"_As no further instructions have been made, correction will now begin." _Unbeknownst to Harry, two more arms branched off from each of the appendages. He screamed as his eyelids were forcibly opened to reveal heavily dilated forest green eyes. Moving to defend himself, Harry started flailing his arms about.

Sensing additional movement, more appendages ripped out from the darkness, effectively restraining the scared wizard at the wrists, ankles, and waist. The booth now satisfied with the immobility of its occupant brought forth another apparatus. A goggle-like object snaked out to mold around tearing emerald orbs. Flashes of light bombarded Harry's severely distorted vision.

Blind and dazed, Harry's ears barely registered the booth's next statement. _"Process: complete! Thank you for choosing the Eyes, Ears, Nose and Throat for your eye care needs! Please come again!"_ A breeze swept over Harry's front as the wall before him opened and the booth released him. If not for his previous experience with falling, Harry would most assuredly been eating the tiled floor. As it was, his arms trembled as he gave in to the urge to retch violently.

To be continued . . .

A/N: Okay, so I should be working on OLTD. I'm sorry! This was just begging to be written on. And I wanted to prove that my lack of writing for the past two years was not completely due to lack of muse, just extremely off-track muses.

A/N2: Also, sorry for this chapter being so angsty. I just had to do some character building. It will be more fun soon, I swear!

Grayswandir

PS, as always written with the beta services of Werewindle


	2. A Minor Recovery and a Meal

Author's Note: My beta Werewindle, along with her mother, have been pushing me to write more on this fic. Hope you like it.

A/N 2: I'm not dead! I'm just severely delayed in posting. I hope to have a third chapter up soon that will be Lucius-centric.

Disclaimer: Yeah, the books belong to this lady; some people should know her name, JK Rowling. I checked my passport, and my driver's license. It's not me.

* * *

Chapter 2: A Minor Recovery and a Meal

Luckily for Harry, the only people present to watch as he unloaded his stomach were the Patil twins. Still panting for breath and trying to adjust to the bright lights coming from overhead, Harry felt two pairs of hands softly tugging on his arms. Sensing no ill will at the gentle touch, Harry allowed them to pull him up and guide him to the side.

Now seated but still shaky, Harry gradually calmed as one of his companions knelt down in front of him, holding his hands together and squeezing them gently, while the other stood behind him, slowly rubbing the small of his back. As breath became less urgent, Harry started to hear the soft-spoken, and appropriately panicked, words that were being directed at him.

"Harry? You're scaring us! Please talk to us!" That must have been Parvati.

"C'mon Harry. We did not realize you were claustrophobic. If we had, we would have taken you to a medi-witch." Padma, definitely: big words and reasonable as a Ravenclaw. _Unfortunately, _my dear_, that is not the entire problem._

"I've never told anyone," Harry croaked out. "Not even Ron and Hermione."

The hands holding his moved, one to his knee, the other to his chin. Slowly, Harry looked up into concerned sienna orbs. He blinked and shook his head before gazing once more upon the now sharp visage of Parvati. She smiled at the mildly shocked look on his face.

"Hey." She whispered. "Feeling any better?" Harry shrugged as his body was still on the verge of upheaval. "Seeing any better?" The voice adopted a teasing lilt that made Harry's lips curve upward slightly.

Two hands were presented to the seated hero, making him blink. Confused, Harry placed his hands into each one and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Still slightly woozy, Harry couldn't help but ask, "Where are we going?"

Ever the logical one, Padma happily replied. "First, we are going to go to the loo and get you cleaned up. Then, we are going to The Darjeeling [1], to expand your palate."

Expand my palate? Why would they . . ? WAIT A MO'! _The loo?_

* * *

One severely embarrassing side-trip into the girls' loo-which was not one of the single stool variety-later, the trio arrive at The Darjeeling for a much needed relaxant before the heavy shopping could commence. A bit red in the face and blinking at the intensity of light in general, Harry was guided to a semi-secluded table and sat in one of the most comfortable chairs he had ever had the pleasure of sitting in. With ruthless efficiency, indubitably born of many past visits, the twins ordered food for themselves and their male counterpart.

Finally adjusting to the acutely enhanced sense brought by their visit to that thrice-damned telephone booth, Harry looked about the room they now occupied. Despite the obviously Indian cuisine, the place was quaintly modern muggle in style. An orange shade of red colored the columns and fringe, while a pastel yellow bordering on beige dominated the outer walls. A golden elephant sat in a central area, dividing the main dining hall in two. A single Indian rose rested on each table.

The young Indian waitress returned shortly after Harry's visual inspection concluded, carrying a tray laden with three drinks and a small platter of some kind of miniature deep fried goodies. He must have looked apprehensive as Parvati took mercy on him.

"It is called samosa. Most of the time it is potato stuffed, but we thought that you might enjoy a blend. Chicken, minced lamb, and vegetable. And this," she said, indicating the drink that had been set before him, "is mango lassi. It is a yogurt smoothie."

Still uncertain as to how he was to behave, Harry pulled the drink closer and took a tentative sip. The tangy taste of the concoction took him by surprise. It was just shy of pure bliss! Another sip, and Harry was stuck, hook, line, and sinker. Curious as to what else the twins had seen fit to introduce him to, Harry snagged one of the miniature treats that laid near the center of the table. One quick nip identified it as vegetable, and not animal. Another, slightly larger, nip had him comparing the delight to egg rolls that Harry had once had at a party the Dursleys had hosted. The samosa was richer in flavor and had that much loved, family recipe taste.

"Okay, point me to the animal ones." Harry grinned wryly. Pleased to see the open attitude, Padma pointed out the different sections of the platter as Parvati had failed to do so earlier. The three laughed as they continued to empty the platter, the twins making sure Harry did not indulge to excess.

As the platter became bare, the waitress from before appeared, this time with another tray of delights. The platter was cleared, and all three were handed their own portions. As soon as the waitress retreated into the rear of the building, Padma took the opportunity to introduce the newest dish.

* * *

_1: The Darjeeling is a real Indian restaurant in the London area. However, despite finding this information, I have never been to England or an Indian restaurant, so please do not flame me for inaccuracies. I found the place on a website, and it had good reviews._


	3. Enter the Spy

Title: Wardrobe for a Wizard 3/?

Author: Grayswandir (posting name at FFN)

Rating: PG, likely to change

Summary: Newly graduated, Harry is forced into joining the aristocratic society by the Patil twins. With a new look, eyes stray towards the boy wonder.

Pairings: LM/HP

Warnings: None atm…

Spoilers: Canon for SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF

Author's Note: Sorry about the shortness. New chapter to come.

* * *

Chapter 3: Enter the Spy

The prestigious Lord Lucius Malfoy sighed as another uneventful morning drew to a close at the Office of Governmental Reform. The Office, as it was most often referred to, adhered to strict clandestine policies and procedures. Luckily, these policies and procedures were the only things that saved Lucius from an untimely death or an indeterminate stay in Azkaban.

As a field operative for The Office, Lucius' assignment was to infiltrate the ranks of the Death Eaters and determine if their motivations were justified, and, if so, work with them to ratify the government to accommodate their demands. Unfortunately, cutting out of the group was not an option for the wealthy patriarch as entrance into the highest level was the only way to ascertain the motives of the leader. So embroiled into the ranks and struggling to stay his tongue and remain standing at the end, Lucius failed to notice his wife's fascination with her sister's activities.

Lucius thanked all the celestial bodies daily that Narcissa was killed while on one of Bella's crazed side trips into the frozen Alps where a giant crushed her petite form as he was headed home to his beloved cave. Some may have viewed such thoughts as callous, but Lucius was overjoyed that his dear dead wife had not been present for the final brutal bloody battle.

In a display of profoundly Gryffindor heroicism, the Gryffindor Golden Boy had cast a severing charm that split the Dark Lord's wand in two before stabbing an antiquated and overly ornamental sword through the largely underdeveloped heart that lay within the Dark Lord's left breast. A silent explosion of red tinted ash spewed forth as the Dark Lord gaped at the teenager-turned-man before him as he slipped to his knees. Blood red eyes rolled back into the pale skinned skull before the limp form slumped heavily onto the war-torn battlefield. Chaos erupted upon his demise. Bellatrix, in a fit of pure, unadulterated insanity, wailed and screeched as she ran to her master's side, slaying all who stood in-between, whether they be ally or enemy.

As Lucius watched the extremely distasteful display of his sister-in-law, his eyes slid aside to espy the Man-Who-Conquered-Him. Those haunted emerald eyes were concentrated on the point where the blade had entered the body before him. Short, quick breaths and quaveringly limp arms were the only signs that the hero was not a wax doll on display in a museum. The high-pitched screech that issued in the following moment was the only signal before the non-wax doll was bodily slammed backward.

"**YOU SHALL DIE FOR THIS!"**

No one knew which spell hit her first, or which one was cast by whom, but Lucius was fairly confident that the _Reducto_ that landed, as the _Expelliarmus_ threw her into the air, was his.

Thankfully, the rest of the Ministry lapdogs arrived shortly thereafter to suppress the renewed uprising from the factions of the Dark Lord. Lucius sighed once more. At least the epilogue had been written to the gruesome war of good versus evil in this era.

"Hey, Lucius!" One of the less experienced members that lingered about The Office in this new lifetime drew Lucius from his dance down memory lane. "Aren't you going to head out to lunch?"


	4. Shave and a Haircut

Title: Wardrobe for a Wizard  
Author: Grayswandir  
Fandom: Harry Potter

A/N: *points down* Look! A new chapter! _Isn't it brilliant?_ Sorry for the lateness of this chapter, inspiration just was not coming. Stupid muse kept straying to other fics. Crossovers mainly, including at least two that I have not yet posted. And a rewrite that keeps nudging its way to the front of the queue! *frowns at OLTD*

~ HP LM ~

Chapter Four: Shave and a Haircut

Harry hated to see the meal ending, as he knew what the end of the feasting noted, the beginning of a shopping trip he dreaded from the tips of his toes to the ends of his hair follicles. His eyes still burned slightly, unused to the brightness of a world without an eyeglass barrier. Diligently, he tried to garner every last drop of the sweet drink the twins had ordered earlier, hoping that lingering long enough at the restaurant would save him from clothing torture for the day at least.

"Well, are we feeling better now, Harry?" Parvati asked, the sounds of a straw sucking naught but air coming from his direction.

Green eyes peered up from the emptied glass to spy dark eyes glinting in amusement. _She knows._ Groaning internally, as he knew further delay was not possible, Harry nodded miserably.

Padma clasped her hands together, clapping once. "First stop: the salon. The hair must be fixed in order for a style to be born." The twins stood from the table, ready to continue their private mission. Harry didn't budge. Exchanging glances, both girls walked behind Harry's seat, and pulled.

"Oof!" Harry rubbed his bum following the indignant fall to the floor, his chair nearly three feet behind him.

"Time to go, Harry." Parvati smiled, reaching her hand out to assist his assent to standing.

Seeing the hand stretched before him, Harry grasped it, using his other hand to brace himself against the floor. Resigning himself to his fate, he nodded in acceptance. "Fine. Let's get this over with." Padma strode out first, Parvati took the rear, both twins carefully keeping the boy savior ensconced between them.

The three person group never noticed the stormy grey eyes that followed the procession's progress out of the restaurant.

~ HP LM ~

Harry gaped incredulously at the storefront.

The signboard appeared the most singularly sedate item of the entire place. It read **Snip Stick Clip**. Two wands crossed over each other, filling in the minute spaces left between the words. Each letter of the name was in a different neon bright color with heavy black edging in a very sharp font style. Harry may have falsely thought that it was a muggle-inspired, or even operated, establishment if not for the rest of the outwardly visible shop front.

In mismatched mint green, mandarin orange, and mauve, floating manikin heads whizzed about in the window displays showing off different hairstyles. One of the minty busts showed a heavy looking wig, twisted tall with a birdcage trapped inside, a chirping blue jay sitting inside the golden tress-covered cage. A mandarin orange bust floated sedately by, a very long, tall ponytail grew out the mid-back of the head in a blood red color that bled to black.

A singular white wig on a black bust showed a mullet. _Never gonna happen._ Harry laughed internally. At least not all of the hairstyles were outrageous or outrageously outdated. _Still want to see some that have seen the muggle news in the past three years._

One mauve bust zoomed by, prominently displaying a dark blue wig with an intricate weave about the circumference of the head, the hair ending in a plaited bun. It looked ordinary, save for the inky purple tentacles that hung down the front, waving about and revealing the paler suction cups on the undersides. _Oh sweet Merlin, no!_ Harry knew that if not for the presence of the twins, he would have apparated himself to Wales and be done with the lunacy of the place before he had even entered.

"Enough window shopping, Harry." Padma admonished lightly, grabbing his hand in sync with her sister, dragging him into the dreaded shop.

Harry whimpered pitifully, scrunching his eyes shut and resisting once more to click his heels together.

TBC

P.S. A/N: Of course, then the chapter decides to stay short! Grr! Don't forget to feed the author. C&C Welcome.


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